Somehow, i haven't been feeling quite like myself lately. I feel like the days have just been passing by, and while i got everything done that i had to, what i forgot to do along the way is to just LIVE.
It's incredibly easy to get stuck in a rut where you get up every morning, go to school or work, come home, tick of your list of to-do's for the day - and go to sleep to do the same the next day. Which might be fine for some people, however it just leaves me feeling tense and unmotivated as my days are lacking "purpose" to me.
The worst part though, is that I didn't even notice. I truly believed that I was doing quite alright, much better than the weeks before anyways. And yes, I was less stressed in the way that i wasn't under too much pressure, but i wasn't "happy" either. I've been drifting from one day to the other, avoiding to do anything I was actually passionate about. Because being passionate means caring, putting everything you have into something - with the risk that it might not work out.
Out of fear of failing, i simply stopped trying.
It wasn't until yesterday that this struck me - and it struck me hard. In dance class, i got so damn frustrated simply because I didn't succeed in doing my pirouettes, and all of a sudden, all the feelings i'd been suppressing for weeks just came out. I just couldn't stop crying, and i didn't even really know what i was crying about. This is when it became clear to me that in fact, I hadn't been doing "better". I'd been suppressing all the negative feelings inside of me, as a huge knot in my stomach - and now that knot had come untied.
What i've realized is that i don't want to live this way. I want to embrace my feelings, good or bad, and most importantly, i want to DO something.
This video has truly inspired and motivated me to do so, so please, if you found the time to read this blogpost, go watch it!
make it count.